J.J. Watt Reveals Major Secret To Fitness Success- And I Have The Inside Scoop

Unless you’ve been living under a cave, you are aware that Houston Texan’s defensive lineman, J.J. Watt is…

Injuries have relegated the world’s most dominant defensive football player to just eight games in two years. Almost seven months after suffering a brutal left tibial plateau fracture, J.J. Watt is on the mend. Watt teased his fans with this image on his Instagram with the caption, “Soon”…

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Good lord. The 3 time former Defensive Player of the Year is BACK baby. Eat your heart out, Bruce Banner – the only thing more intimidating than this torso is Miss Death by Snu Snu herself #RIPWatermelon

https://imgur.com/gallery/PkPSTzT

The real question is how does one man become this huge? Most of us would think he is loading up on carbs, salmon, peanut butter, eggs, STEAK, etc.

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WRONG. That’s what they WANT you to think. They want you to think it takes hours of hard work and dedication to build those booming biceps and tremendous traps. Alliteration aside, I now present to you the real secret to J.J. Watt’s success…

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Mother Fucking Pizza Lunchables People. I knew it! This whole, corn-fed, Wisconsin-boy, hard-work, no-days-off mumbo jumbo can step aside- the secret has been in our lunch boxes since the 3rd grade. Look at that perfect execution… three pepperoni slices per ‘za, perfect sauce distribution, evenly scattered cheese… a real maestro at his craft. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got some pizza lunchables to buy so I can feed my checking account.

Tell your mom you love her,

-ZC

Happy 713 day- Houstonians rejoice!

Today is Friday the 13th- all my triskaidekaphobics say Hey-Ooo (Hey-Ooo!).

Remember when we were in 5th grade and used to go to Blockbuster to rent the Friday the 13th movies on days like today? Ahhh, to be young. Nowadays, to us working-folks, most numerically fun dates pass us by just like the concept of Spring, Summer, and Winter breaks. Sad!

However today is Houston’s Day- 7/13 aka the most popular area code in the area. I wanted to list out my favorite 13 things about Houston and its surrounding areas because, fuck it, I can. (Guess I’ll be saying fuck a lot on this blog now that the first one is over with, whew!)

  1. Astros, Rockets, Texans, Dynamo. Tough to not enjoy MVP winners Altuve and Harden along with social MVP in JJ Watt. As for the Dynamo…well…there’s some cool bars close to the stadium and we used to be good when I was in college, so we’ve got THAT going for us.
  2. Beyonce. Pretty sure she and Jay Z did a song (banger) called 713 so that’s cool.
  3. The food. The Tex Mex alone is worth the visit but Houston has some top notch dining establishments: Xochi, Hugos, Pappas Brothers Steak House to name a few.
  4. Craft beer. Karbach, St. Arnolds, 8th Wonder, Buffalo Bayou.
  5. NASA. Even though we faked the moon landing, its still cool ‘cus space n shit.
  6. Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo. 2.5 million visitors a month and one of the only places you can see Jason Derulo, The Chainsmokers. And Chris Stapleton all in the same venue.
  7. The Medical Center and Energy Corridor. Oil and gas. Kids cancer research. No one does it better.
  8. Cost of Living. Just ask anyone north of the Mason Dixon Line how much they pay in rent compared to us…Not good.
  9. Harvey Heroes. Our community flat out rocks. The countless stories of Hurricane Harvey rescuers and providers really tickles my pickle.
  10. Green space. Backyards. Garages. Driveways. As a 6 foot 3, 325 pound+ big boy, you can imagine why the extra space is a nice commodity.
  11. Art n stuff. Plenty of things to do and see for the hipsters out there including the ‘Be Someone’ sign, the ‘I heart Houston’ display, Discovery Green, and the Museum of Fine Arts.
  12. Diversity. The attractive jobs, cost of living, and our proximity to Mexico give us one of the biggest metropolitan melting pots in the US.
  13. Traffic. No matter where you go, you will always have something in common with your neighbor #Fuck290

Tell your mother you love her,

-ZC