Not Another LeBron James Appreciation Blog: 30 Reasons Why LeBron Is The Greatest OF All Time

Look, I am tired of constantly trying to argue on why LeBron James is the best basketball player that has ever stepped on the court, so I wanted to dedicate a blog to all the haters and compile 30 of my favorite stats/reasons why LeBron James is the GOAT.

#1- Michael Who? The rumors have finally been confirmed that Space Jam 2 is in the works and will begin filming in Summer of 2019. Ryan Coogler (“Creed” and “Black Panther”) Brings an extra level of hype to the highly anticipated, future nostalgic summer blockbuster of 2019. Okay– enough of LA-Bron, let’s talk about his game ON the court.



#2-   3× NBA champion: 2012, 2013, 2016.

#3-   3× NBA Finals Most Valuable Player: 2012, 2013, 2016.

#4-   4× NBA Most Valuable Player: 2009, 2010, 2012, 2013.

#5-   14× NBA All Star: 2005-2018.

#6-   3× NBA All-Star Game MVP: 2006, 2008, 2018.

#7-   5× NBA All-Defensive First Team: 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013.

#8-   NBA Rookie of the Year: 2004.


#9-   NBA scoring champion: 2008.

#10-   3x NBA minutes leader: 2007, 2017, 2018.

#11-   J. Walter Kennedy Citizenship Award: 2017.

#12-   2x Olympic Gold Medalist: 2008, 2012.


#13-   Only player in NBA history to record at least 35 points, 15 assists, and 0 turnovers in a game.

#14-   Only player in NBA history to win the NBA Player of the Month Award five times in a single season.


#15-   1st place all-time in career assists by a forward with (8,208).

#16-   1st place all-time in most consecutive double-digit scoring games (873 times).

#17-   1st place all-time being named Conference Player of the Week (61 times).

#18-   1st place all-time being named Conference Player of the Month (37 times).

#19-   1st place all-time in All-NBA First Team selections with 12.

#20-   Only player in NBA history to average at least 25 points per game for 14 consecutive seasons.


#21-   1st place all-time for most 30-point triple-doubles in the playoffs (10).

#22-   1st place all-time in points scored (6,911).

lbj points

#23-   1st place all-time for scoring average in game 7s with 34.9 points per game.

#24-   1st place all-time for playoff games with at least 20 points (210).

#25-   Only player in NBA history to be in the top 10 all time in career playoff points, rebounds, assists and steals.

#26-   Only player in NBA history to win over 20 consecutive games in the first round.


#27-   Only player to lead a both teams in an NBA Finals Game in Points, Assists, Rebounds, Blocks & Steals.

#28-   Only player in NBA history to average at least 25 points, 10 rebounds, and 7 assists in an NBA Finals series (accomplished this three times).

#29-   Only player in NBA history to average a triple-double in an NBA Finals series.

#30-   1st place all-time for triple-doubles in the NBA Finals with 10.


These are just a few of his many, many achievements that seal him as the best ever. If I missed anything, feel free to comment below!

Tell your mother you love her,



J.J. Watt Reveals Major Secret To Fitness Success- And I Have The Inside Scoop

Unless you’ve been living under a cave, you are aware that Houston Texan’s defensive lineman, J.J. Watt is…

Injuries have relegated the world’s most dominant defensive football player to just eight games in two years. Almost seven months after suffering a brutal left tibial plateau fracture, J.J. Watt is on the mend. Watt teased his fans with this image on his Instagram with the caption, “Soon”…


Good lord. The 3 time former Defensive Player of the Year is BACK baby. Eat your heart out, Bruce Banner – the only thing more intimidating than this torso is Miss Death by Snu Snu herself #RIPWatermelon

The real question is how does one man become this huge? Most of us would think he is loading up on carbs, salmon, peanut butter, eggs, STEAK, etc.


WRONG. That’s what they WANT you to think. They want you to think it takes hours of hard work and dedication to build those booming biceps and tremendous traps. Alliteration aside, I now present to you the real secret to J.J. Watt’s success…


Mother Fucking Pizza Lunchables People. I knew it! This whole, corn-fed, Wisconsin-boy, hard-work, no-days-off mumbo jumbo can step aside- the secret has been in our lunch boxes since the 3rd grade. Look at that perfect execution… three pepperoni slices per ‘za, perfect sauce distribution, evenly scattered cheese… a real maestro at his craft. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got some pizza lunchables to buy so I can feed my checking account.

Tell your mom you love her,


Gif City


First thing’s first….

The debate over how to pronounce GIF, which stands for Graphics Interchange Format, re-emerged this week when Steve Wilhite, the inventor of the widely used Web illustration, declared it should be pronounced “jif,” like the brand of peanut butter, rather than with a hard G sound.  May 23, 2013

Now that THAT’S settled, here are some of my favorite gifs from around the web this week. Enjoy!



Tell your mom you love her,


Tennis! It’s what’s for breakfast

I’ve been trying to count calories recently and I gotta tell ya, trying to figure out how many calories 7 double whiskey cokes is in My Fitness Pal at 8 AM isn’t the ideal way to start a Saturday. But fear not! For today we are going to be treated to some star-studded tennis. As I am writing this, 3 time Wimbledon winner Novak Djokovic just took down 2 time Wimbledon champ Rafael Nadal. Djokovic hasn’t won a major since 2016 so it would be nice to see him re-assert his dominance the court. Looks like we will have a real Simba v Scar matchup tomorrow morning loaded with power when Djoker takes on 6’8 South African powerhouse, Kevin Anderson for the 2018 Wimbledon title.

Not frightening at all, nope.

On a separate note, I feel that women’s tennis is one of the most exciting female sports to watch. We are about to get a Wimbledon final featuring Serena Williams and Angelique Kerber. We are fortunate to be able to watch Serena Williams be as dominant as she has been. She bulldozes through her opponents with ease and posseses this beautiful combination of power, agility, and speed that is wonderful to watch. Oh by the way, this is what she looked like 10 months ago.

This could be her 8th Wimbledon championship in her career and a record 24th major win, tying the all time record with Margaret Court (pun intended). It is amazing to see her back in the finals considering she was the underdog in the second round this tournament. Even if she doesn’t win, being in the Wimbledon finals 5 months after maternity leave is definitely something to write home about.

Tell your mom you love her,


Ariana Grande bares all in body paint promotion, plus this week’s edition of ‘Who Wore it Better?’

Move over 89 year old, long white-haired, robe wearing, white, property owning, male God- God is a woman now! And she’s engaged to Christian Yelich Doppelganger, Pete Davidson.

Yeah, I mean, i knew God had high standards, but… a 10 incher? Cut us normies some slack.

All jokes aside, Ariana Grande recently took to Instagram to promote her new single, God is a Woman. Many people are criticizing her decision, “you have such a nice voice, no need to sell your body to promote the music”. Give me a break people, she’s an independent woman who can do what she wants- plus, we would have never gotten this week’s feature on Who Wore it Better?

Shout-out to my beautiful fiancé, Sunny, who had way too much fun with this idea.

What are your thoughts on Ariana’s new promotion strategy?

Tell your mom you love her,


Happy 713 day- Houstonians rejoice!

Today is Friday the 13th- all my triskaidekaphobics say Hey-Ooo (Hey-Ooo!).

Remember when we were in 5th grade and used to go to Blockbuster to rent the Friday the 13th movies on days like today? Ahhh, to be young. Nowadays, to us working-folks, most numerically fun dates pass us by just like the concept of Spring, Summer, and Winter breaks. Sad!

However today is Houston’s Day- 7/13 aka the most popular area code in the area. I wanted to list out my favorite 13 things about Houston and its surrounding areas because, fuck it, I can. (Guess I’ll be saying fuck a lot on this blog now that the first one is over with, whew!)

  1. Astros, Rockets, Texans, Dynamo. Tough to not enjoy MVP winners Altuve and Harden along with social MVP in JJ Watt. As for the Dynamo…well…there’s some cool bars close to the stadium and we used to be good when I was in college, so we’ve got THAT going for us.
  2. Beyonce. Pretty sure she and Jay Z did a song (banger) called 713 so that’s cool.
  3. The food. The Tex Mex alone is worth the visit but Houston has some top notch dining establishments: Xochi, Hugos, Pappas Brothers Steak House to name a few.
  4. Craft beer. Karbach, St. Arnolds, 8th Wonder, Buffalo Bayou.
  5. NASA. Even though we faked the moon landing, its still cool ‘cus space n shit.
  6. Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo. 2.5 million visitors a month and one of the only places you can see Jason Derulo, The Chainsmokers. And Chris Stapleton all in the same venue.
  7. The Medical Center and Energy Corridor. Oil and gas. Kids cancer research. No one does it better.
  8. Cost of Living. Just ask anyone north of the Mason Dixon Line how much they pay in rent compared to us…Not good.
  9. Harvey Heroes. Our community flat out rocks. The countless stories of Hurricane Harvey rescuers and providers really tickles my pickle.
  10. Green space. Backyards. Garages. Driveways. As a 6 foot 3, 325 pound+ big boy, you can imagine why the extra space is a nice commodity.
  11. Art n stuff. Plenty of things to do and see for the hipsters out there including the ‘Be Someone’ sign, the ‘I heart Houston’ display, Discovery Green, and the Museum of Fine Arts.
  12. Diversity. The attractive jobs, cost of living, and our proximity to Mexico give us one of the biggest metropolitan melting pots in the US.
  13. Traffic. No matter where you go, you will always have something in common with your neighbor #Fuck290

Tell your mother you love her,


Soccer? I’m here for the gambling

It was my first week in the office as a new commodities broker in Sugar Land, Texas. I showed up in my grandpa’s a gray suit and was met with “I didn’t know they made suits that big” the second I stepped on the trade floor. The guy that interviewed me came up to me and whispered condescendingly, “Never wear that again if you want to make it here.”

zach suit

Alright, sweet, an office where physical appearance doesn’t matter- score! However, I had already made a dorky impression with these brokers in an industry where it’s your job to make people like you and want to do business with you. I sat in my chair wondering how I can win these guys over to quickly climb the corporate ladder. Aha! These guys seem like degenerates…GAMBLING… let’s see if I can throw something together in Excel and get them gambling.


It just so happened to be World Cup time and I have this betting pool which quickly got everyone on board. Sweet! I’m no longer over-sized, suit wearing, new kid… I’m the gambling kid. Let’s dive in to what a parimutuel style pool is and why it is awesome.

Using the world cup as an example (this also works well with sporting events with fields in them like golf and tennis majors) you have a list of all 32 teams competing. I usually recommend a $20 entry fee to boost the pot. Then, you place a bet on which team you think will win the whole tournament. I recommend a minimum of $5 bet per team/player and NO maximum bet. You can bet on as many or as few teams as you’d like. It is a blind betting system so what makes it fun is that you don’t know what or who or how much everyone else is betting on. Then you collect all of the entries and there is no more betting once the event starts. Once a winner is determined, whoever bet on the winning team gets paid an amount proportionate to the amount of money the bet on the team compared to everyone else. No second place, no third place, you only win money if you bet on the team/player that wins the whole tournament.

-2 people in the pool – Pool size starts at $40.
-Person A bets $10 on Brazil and $5 on Spain   — he pays $35 total to enter ($20 fee + individual bets)
-Person B bets $25 on Brazil and $10 on USA — he pays $55 total ($20 fee + individual bets)
-There are no other bets in the pool at all – for example’s sake– total pool is $90   ($40 entry fees and $50 placed on individual teams)
-Brazil Wins– there is a total of $35 bet on Brazil
-Person A gets 10/35 (or 2/7 of the pot- $25.71) while Person B gets 25/35 (or 5/7 of the pot-$64.29)

Fighting through tons of skepticism and snarky looks, I managed to get $1500 in the pool and all of a sudden, everyone was interested in not only the game, but me as well. These guys would come up to me asking their payouts and checking in on how everyone else was doing- it was wonderful. Fast forward four years and I ran my second parimutuel office pool this year. We have a clear example of why this pool can be fun from the final results in 2018– here are the remaining possible outcomes of this year’s pool:


I managed to build the pool to $2,800 this year. You will notice that some of the favorites will attract bets from a lot of people (France in this year’s case). However, the returns might not be as satisfying as people once thought, as a $5 bet on nets you $42– their full entries could have had $100 of total bets on it thus they will be losing money even though they could pick the right winner. The glory comes from tossing money on ‘teenies’ as my industry would call it. Two gents tossed a measly $5 on Croatia this year and were the only two people to bet on them. That means if Croatia wins, they are splitting $2,800 for a cool $1,400 each! Insane.

That’s all for today, feel free to comment with any questions about the pool or how it runs and I’ll be glad to answer.

Tell your mom you love her,